In the end,

I grew tired

of waiting

for a heart

that never chose to stay.

Too many nights

were spent

searching for reasons

why your eyes

always wandered

far beyond my embrace.

Today,

I no longer wish

to win against memory.

I only hope

your name

will someday

feel like someone

I used to know,

instead of someone
I still miss.
until I can walk

the roads we once called ours

without feeling

that I've left a part of myself behind.

If it rains tomorrow,

let every drop

wash away

the promises

we could never keep.

And if I still remember you,

let it be

as someone

who once passed through my life

never again

the place

my heart longs

to return to. 

 Kayaknya energi gw drained banget deh tiap kali ke kantor, kyk nyirep energi negatif orang-orang jadi tiap pulang kayaknya udah cape aja gt, apa karena gw udh mau masuk middle age ya wkwkwk..

Beda banget kayaknya dulu tuh gw selalu happy masuk kantor, ketemu temen-temen, kerja, gajian! Tapi in this economy paham sih tuntutan kerjaan makin banyak banget, tuntutan lay off, belom lagi drama clock in, jadi sedih deh, dulu kayaknya se hectic apa kerjaan tetep happy aja gt bawaannya, skrg kayak arrrggghh ada aja orang yg masya allah ya kak kamu zalim bgt!! 

Motong gaji tanpa sosialisasi, pdhal atasan udah acc klo kita mau telat!

Tiap pumping dicariin mulu and end up bayik umur 18 bulan gw ga minum asi lg!!

Skrg tiap mau ikutan solat jamaah aja dibilang ilang-ilangan mulu!! 

Kayak, duh! Dan dipanggilnya tuh ga penting ya, cuma perkara rolling kerjaan in the middle lo lagi hectic megang kerjaan A, belum kelar tapi lo disuruh rolling! Kan masya allah bgt ya, si bos bilang sih yaudh tp ini as is dlu aja yang skrg, tp buat lo yang udh tau lo dirolling apakah akan totalitas ngerjainnya? Tentu tidac fergusoo! 

Belum lagi liat berita yang bikin drop kayak, duh gila ya gw kerja mati2an aja megang 1 kg emas ga pernah, ini 74 kg gila bgt sih! Suram bgt, trus presidennya blg kalau emg suram cabut aja dari Indo, kayak duhhhh! Tolong negara manapun klaim gw jd warga negara lo lah wkwkwk.

Dahlah intinya lg lelahh sama org2 dzalim ini, semoga doa gw yg udh didzalimin kalian2 nembus ampe langit & di aminkan malaikat2 Allah!

In This Economy

 Lagi happyyy bgtt,  anak2 akuuu tumbuh dengan baik, penuh tawa dan Masya Allah sehat ❤️ nothing can be happier🌸lucu bbgtt yang 1 introvert kemana2pasti ngumpet ketek, yang 1 lagi extrovert, ketemu orang baru langsung akrab..

pokonya tahun ini Masya Allah bgt lagi happy, dpt berita happy dari pak suami, alhamdulilaah.. in this economy yaa, tp sumpil deh, kalau bisa cabut ke LN mending cabut gak sih, kayaknya udh migrain berat liat berita tiap harinya ada aja gebrakan anomali para pejabat negara. entah itu cuma sekedar ngomong nyenyenye atau bangun tidur saya buka horden Indonesia cerah sampe sempet bilang ke bos gw, saking susahnya kita nerbitin surat garansi dari bank, alihin aja gak sih bisnis plannya nya jadi embegehh atau koses wkwkwk, sesusah ituu bahkan untuk instansi yang bantu negara berpuluh-puluh tahun, penugasan berpuluh-puluh proyek dahlah ga ngerti lg, saya hanya emak-emak yang terkejut liat harga cabe semahal ituuu, bensin semahal itu dan emas se wow itu harganya, sementara gaji mamak-bapake masih aja imut..

Malaysia plie banget rekrut akuh jadi pendudukmuu :(

kita (bukan) untuk selamanya

Barangkali yang paling menyakitkan
bukan kehilanganmu,
melainkan menyadari
bahwa sejak awal
cinta ini tak pernah diberi tempat
untuk disebut benar.

Padahal kita telah membangun
masa depan
dari mimpi-mimpi yang terlalu percaya.

Kini aku bertanya,
adakah yang masih pantas dipertahankan
ketika harapan perlahan berubah
menjadi abu
yang bahkan angin pun
enggan mengingatnya?

Dan aku tetap di sini
menunggu sesuatu
yang mungkin
tak pernah berniat datang.

combo superrr!!!

 wah  goks sih ini feat ed sheeran my fav baby lovlyyyy  wkwkwk...

its fidayyy babyyy almost weekend, time to my baby baby dirumah asupan jalan-jalan, asupan jajan, pas banget mamak besok ga puasa, gas kali ya masa gak? wkwkkw kemana tapi yaaa vote vote vote :

• Farm house
• taman mini
• kebun raya
• mmm apa lagi yaw

hawa kantor lagi panas banget ni, entah kenapaa....

Remedy for Memory

My Galau Eraa -Deasyp- ❤

You almost convinced me
that happiness was something worth waiting for
that one day,
after enough patience,
after enough faith,
we would finally find our way
to each other.
So I silenced every doubt.
I folded away every fear.
I carried hope
like it was something fragile
that only you could keep alive.
Then reality smashing me hard
And somehow,
I became the story you've told

Try explain why everything fell apart.
You said I stood between you and your future.
You said I was the reason.

The truth is,
I never wanted to stand between anyone.
I only wanted someone to stand beside me
when words sharper than knives
left me tired
to defend myself.
But once again,
I let silence take my side.
If blaming me made your life easier,
then I will carry that weight
without asking you to.
That was the last thing
I ever did for us.

I walked away
without your hand to hold,
without your voice
Telling me it would be alright.
Perhaps
that is what love looks like
when it belongs to only one person.
Without sound.
Without drama.

Just unbearably lonely.
You didn't only leave.
You left me questioning
every promise
I had built a future around.
So if peace has finally found you,

keep it.
I'll stop searching for answers
in someone
who never stayed long enough
to give them.
As for our memories
they no longer need a grave.
I'll simply leave them
where they can no longer

follow me home.

If you wanna delete me completely,

do it slowly.

Don't tear apart
the fragile paper
where we painted our memories.

Some memories
aren't meant to survive
a hurried goodbye.

 

I’m complex, LOL

 Btw my previous post tell you that i’m super extrovert but then I realized that I’m anti social too, sometimes i want to go out hang out with friends just have a nice chit chat, but then again I love being alone in my rom just to play a game whole day long or just watching TV alone or maybe read some good books under my blanket, I really enjoy it, but I just can’t go out alone. It gives me anxiety. Klo berdua kan orang liatin kita dari atas ampe bawah bodo amat ada temen, and “oh si temen gue yang dijutekin” wkwkwk, gak deng ga suka aja keluar rumah sendirian. 

Btw this post agak panjang yaa, karena situesiyen mama lunanaya di KRL berdiri dan agak lama, jadi pen curhat tentang hidup, anjayy..

Lately gw ngerasa kayak cepet capek, cepet tidur, wkwkkw pelor. Tidur jam 11 lewat dikit aja besoknya sakit badan, fix sih gw udh tua wkwkwk almost 40 jiir. Wkwkwk 

Pelajaran apa yg di dapet di umur gw yg almost 40 ini?

1. You can’t expect people to treat you the same way like you did!
2. Be nice to people! "My friend once told me, 'You gotta have two faces. Be nice to people, even if later you talk about them behind their back, that’s your business!' And yeah, it’s true. You have to be good to people because you never know, maybe one day they’ll become someone important or success. I’m not asking to get rich with them, I just want them to remember me as a good person. That’s it."
3. You’re the one who create your own destiny, don’t wait for people to bring you a diamond, dig your own diamond!

Tapi nomer 2 agak sulit yaa wkwkwk, bener sih kata mbak marlyn ini klo mau punya 2 muka minimal 1 mukanya cakep, mo cakep omongan mo cakep beneran serah! Tp sulit bangett kayak gue tuh gbs banget sama org lelet, sama orang klamar klemer, klo udh ga suka rasanya pen gw sikat ajaa wkwkkw. But yes darling you’re fully ugly then wkwkkw dah lah udh sampe bojong masih aje berdiri hufft, ini mbaknya dr mule masuk udh tidur kirain bakal turun di bojong, tp tar klo udh nyampe bogor dia duluan berdiri heran wkwkwk. Giliran ada teriak prioritas pules bgt, giliran udh sampe gercep bgt!

 

Have you ever noticed that the older you get, the smaller your circle becomes?

I actually feel lucky because I have two little girls, and maybe one day they'll grow up to become my forever best friends.

It's funny because I used to be such an extreme extrovert. I couldn't go anywhere by myself. There was even a time when I asked our ART to come hang out with me and watch a movie at the cinema because I just couldn't stand being alone.

I also remember those days when lunch meant sitting with a whole group of people, laughing, eating, and having little chats to escape all the office drama for a while.

Now, things are different. I find comfort in taking a quiet nap in the prayer room after praying or enjoying lunch by myself with Netflix playing on my screen.

I never thought solitude would become something I'd cherish, but somehow it feels peaceful now. Maybe growing older isn't about having more people around you, maybe it's about finding peace within yourself.

Wiiii KK Naya punya channel Youtube

 so gemaass 

Tetiba banget kk Naya punya YouTube, ya ampun bayi aku udah bisa bikin youtube and surprisingly yang nonton udhh 700an orng so gemas, so proud kk, Alhamdulilah yaa bayik mama yang dulu bolak balik bilirubinnya tinggi, drama asi ga gacor, ampe tidur terus pas bayi skrg alhamdulilah udh jadi anak sehat, pinter huhu terharuuu.. gas keun ges buat nnton youtubenya kk naya hihiii, ngmgnya itu lohhh tua banget wkwkwk...

gaskeun subscribe, like & komen gess

si anak yang ga pernah drama dari kecil extrovert, huhuuu cepet banget time fliesnya...

wish someday you'll find this blog and All I can say is Mama super proud of you, mama always have your back, Mama will always be there whenever you need me, i love you so muchhh infinity

Dear Luna

 Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!

goks banget, kebuka blogger lama, berasa nostalgila wkwkwk, buset segitu demennya gw oversharing gapapa sih next life suka lucu, suka ngomong "Anjay gw dulu keren banget, anjay gw alay amay!!" wkwkwkw

terakhir nulis pas kk Naya lahir yaa, sekang 2 Juli 2026, it means kk Naya udh gede bgt almost 6 years sekarang Adeknya udh nongol juga beda banget ama Kk Naya, Adek Luna Introvert, clingy, my squizi mizzy chibbyyy. Sayang banget sama 2-2nya, will do anything to make them happy, I once fall in love with wrong person but still i'd do anything for him, now i'm in love with the right person and will do anything extra more...

what's new in this century? Mr. President ? no doubt he lose 4 times before he wins the election, and kinda regret about what I choose, but i already did, so yaudhlah berharap segera 2029 wkwkkw, sekarang udah ada chat AI, keren bgt coyy wkwk.. setelah gue pikir-pikir anjirr, dulu gw keren yah gen millenial tuh kerenn, mau tau kenapaaa????

1. kita ga punya whatsapp buat share live, bahkan hp pun dulu rare banget, wwkwk cuma based on teleponan ke nomer rumah terus bilang "aku pake baju ini ya, nanti aku tunggu di sinii" geezz pernah banget nunggu ampe maghrib ga dateng tu mahluk, terus bilangnya "dih maap ketiduran" emang babikk wkwkkwk
2. kita nunggu angkot sambil bengong, kebayang kan coy, dulu gak ada gojek, grab, maksim cuma ada angkot, yang kadang rame kadang sepi, trus kita nunggu sambil bengong aja gituu wkwkw
3. gada google translate, wkwkwk kita pake kamus anjirr, kamus tebel udah kayak alkitab buat nyari 1 kata, ya alhamdulilah klo langsung paham yaa klo ga paham, wkwkwk lo bayangin gue nyari zipper trus awkward dari z balik ke A belom lagi klo kalimatnya idiom wkwk yasalaammm.

mohon maap ni, jaman aing paling keren pokoknya wkwkwkw 

dah gitu aja nnti chitchat lagiiii