Just a gloomy day

I think this is where I leave you,
not because I stopped caring,
not because you asked me to stay,
and not because we ran out of words.

Maybe that's what hurts the most—
we still had so much to say,
yet none of it could bring us
where we once thought we'd go.

You were never just a person I loved.
You were years of my life,
a thousand little memories,
a version of me
I don't know how to become again.

And perhaps, somewhere inside me,
I kept a door open for you
without even realizing it.

Until today.

Today, I finally closed it.

Not because I hate you.
God, I wish it were that easy.

I leave because I am tired
of finding pieces of you
in every conversation,
in every silence,
in every “how have you been?”
that never meant anything
and somehow meant everything to me.

I don't want another eight years
of almosts,
of maybe,
of talking without going anywhere,
of wondering what we are
while knowing what we aren't.

So this is goodbye.

Not the kind where I wish
you would chase me.

Not the kind where I secretly hope
you'll knock on my door
and finally say everything
I've waited years to hear.

Just goodbye.

I hope you remember me kindly.
Maybe remember the girl I was
before life changed us,
before time made us strangers
who knew each other's hearts too well.

And if someday
you wonder why I disappeared—

please know,

I didn't leave because you meant nothing to me.

I left because
you meant too much,
and I couldn't keep losing myself
just to keep a little piece of you.

So go live your life.

I'll try to live mine.

And maybe,
in another lifetime,
we'll meet before we learn
how to hurt each other.

But in this one—

I loved you.
I lost you.
I found myself.

And this time,

I'm choosing not to lose her again. 🥀